Dealing With Death

It seems in life, with every high comes a low. It the ebb and tide of what makes the world go around.

So after the high point of Eric's sister getting remarried last weekend, we were hit with the low of my sister's father-in-law passing away. While his health hasn't been too well the past few years, I don't think anyone was really expecting this. No one was ready for it, that's for sure. When my mom called me, I was in shock!

This is where it's interesting to watch as an outsider, though. While I've known my sister's in-laws for 15 years or so, and have spent various holidays at there house, I'm still not immediate family, so the impact to me kind of stays at shock. I get it, I see it, I feel a heaviness in my heart... but since I'm not down there, it ends at this point. But I'm witnessing, through phone calls and emails, the emotional route everyone else is going. At least to an extent.

There's always the calm one. The one who can seemingly go un-phased and make any kind of arrangements that need to be made, all while staying very rational, calm, and collected. Sure, there's grieving going on under all of that exterior, but for the purposes of those around, they keep the strong exterior.

There's the one who continues on, like it never happened. Not necessarily in denial, but not wanting the deal with it or make any admission that it's affected them in any way. People around them may even be baffled by their behavior of normalcy and either be concerned or mistake them for the calm one.

You always have a few that get very emotional, which is well within the boundaries of acceptable when a loved one dies. Unfortunately, with the emotional state comes a lot of irrationality. And assumptions everyone else should be as emotional as them (ie, further irrationality). The don't seem to understand that some people can't heal or grieve in that state.

To counter the calm one, you always have the panicker. Much like the emotional one, they seem to lose common sense and any rational thought process. They're freaking out about the details and are actually causing more problems in the process. They are the reason you need to 'plan your own funeral' before you die.

Then you have the one who seemingly goes into a depression state. Don't mistake this as the over emotional one... this is the one who essentially curls into a ball and doesn't come out for who knows how long. These are the people you should actually be a little concerned about and make sure it doesn't get too bad. But give them some space and time to heal.

I don't think you will know how you, or anyone else, will react - it could be any of these five ways, or even some other form of grief. I wonder if any one of these ways is better than the other? I would like to think staying strong is the best way to go... but maybe getting emotional is good, so it all comes out. Who knows.

RIP Larry. You will be missed.